By Pam Golubski, First-Year Advisor*

Your son or daughter is about to embark on one of the most rewarding and exciting adventures of his/her life. It can be a stressful time for a parent. As your child prepares to leave home for an extended period, letting go may seem harder than you could have ever imagined.

The first year, especially the first six weeks, of college is extremely difficult for most students. It is essential that within the first few weeks your son/daughter develops a connection and sense of belonging at Carnegie Mellon. This connection starts by talking to and meeting classmates, faculty, and staff, along with getting acclimated with student services, campus buildings, and the areas that surround the college campus.

College is an amazing time in students' lives. But the transition can bring about feelings of stress, anxiety, sadness, and loneliness. While these feelings are common, often students are too embarrassed or unsure how to voice these feelings to parents and college administration, nor do they know where to go to seek assistance. Carnegie Mellon offers a variety of student support services to assist your child in adjusting to college.

The support you give your child during his/her first year of college is crucial to your student's academic growth and success. By demonstrating willingness to help your son/daughter through this exciting process, you will greatly strengthen his/her desire to strive for and achieve a college education. The tips below are intended to help you offer support without seeming to hover or becoming what is now termed a "helicopter parent." 

Managing Change

• Let your child know that it is all right to be nervous about going to college and that just about every student is having the same feelings.

• Make sure your student knows that change is stressful but it is also exciting.

• There is no right or wrong way to deal with the anxiety, stress, or excitement of leaving for college, so let your child respond in his/her own way.

• Tell your child that his/her involvement in the family will not change. It is important to keep your college student updated on what is happening at home, while he/she is gone. These updates make the student feel less homesick.

• Don’t be surprised or upset about frantic telephone calls from your student expressing that "nothing is going right" or "I don’t like it here," all first-year students experience some sense of strong emotional ups and downs. It is bound to be better the next day. The worse thing you can do is tell them to come home. Help your student determine the core reason of what is so upsetting and assist him/her in working through the problem/issue.  

• The best time to send a care package or a hand-written note/card from home is during the first six weeks of college. 

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Communication

• Urge your child to read his/her e-mail. At Carnegie Mellon, virtually all important information is communicated this way. If you e-mail your child, send your message to his/her Andrew account.

• Meet and/or encourage your student to talk about his/her roommate(s) and new friends. First-year students do better when they become involved with others, especially other first-year students. In CIT, we host various social/major receptions for the students to mix and mingle with other first-year students, faculty members, and alumni.  

• Ask your student open-ended questions, about what he/she is learning in class. For example, instead of asking, "Are you attending class?," try "Tell me how your calculus class is going." Be specific and ask questions that require more than yes or no.

• Openly discuss challenges your child may be facing with learning, studying, time management, and note- or test-taking skills. Encourage your student to seek assistance if needed through the Carnegie Mellon Academic Development Office. 

• Listen to both what your student is and is NOT saying. For example, students should be mentioning meeting and making new friends or getting involved with campus activities and organizations. The worst thing for new students to do is seclude themselves from campus life by staying in their dorm rooms all the time. One of the best parts about college is meeting and getting involved with others.  

• You won’t get far by lecturing. Ask a question and give your child time to respond, before passing judgments. Listening is an important part of effective communication. 

• It is best to establish a specific day and time each week that you and your child will communicate. It gives your child something to look forward to and also assists in the development of time management skills.

• Expect to disagree on some issues, as your child is learning to become independent and autonomous. 

• If your child has made a bad decision, try not to place blame. This can be as easy as using "I" statements instead of "you" statements.

• Stay connected, but try to also give your son/daughter space to grow more independent. For example, 8-10 calls a day is excessive. But 1-2 calls a week may make more sense. The frequency may be higher at first. But the goal should be to wean him/her off so as to foster more independence and more motivation to get connected to his/her peers.

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Budget & Employment

• Devise a budget with your child to manage spending for books, supplies, transportation, dorm room munchies, and other miscellaneous expenses while in college.

• If your child wants to obtain a part-time or work study job on or off campus, encourage one, as it will help develop work ethic and time management skills. However, it is imperative that the hours are limited, because a Carnegie Mellon student needs plenty of time for reading, attending classes, homework, joining organizations, and socializing with friends. 

• Employment can become an academic nightmare for students who can’t say no to working extra hours due to the essential need for extra money. A student should not be working more than 8-12 hours a week in order to establish a balance between work, education, and social functions. Students working more hours begin to prefer job responsibilities to schoolwork as the paycheck becomes immediate gratification.

• Talk to your student about the risks of getting credit cards, as credit card debt and bills increase a student's need to work additional hours.

• Observe and watch your child's spending habits while at college. Excessive spending should be addressed by parents, as it can be a sign of involvement in gambling, gaming, drugs, and/or alcohol.

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Expectations & New Freedoms

• Do not DEMAND good grades, but do make your expectations known, because college is an investment of time and money. Set clear expectations that will assist your student in academic and personal development.  Be a little more flexible, as the first-year is a difficult transition and GPAs are typically lower.

• Expectations should be manageable for your child to achieve. Remember, employers are looking for more than a student with a 4.0 GPA in the world of work. Companies want to hire a graduate that has a decent GPA and resume full of such things as activities, organizations, research endeavors, internships, study abroad, and/or community service experiences.

• Your student will have new freedoms and will no longer have your parental supervision on a daily basis. It is important that you talk about safety measures as he/she will be in a new environment, city, state, and/or country. 

• College students feel invincible and often take daring risks because they believe bad things can’t happen to them. Have a discussion with your child about drugs and alcohol.    

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Time Management

• Poor time management is one of the chief reasons for academic failure.

• Recommend that your student prepare a weekly schedule to estimate the time he/she will need to complete assignments, reading, and studying.

• In order to make more effective use of time, persuade your student to study away from the distractions of the dorm/resident hall. CMU has several on-campus libraries (Hunt, Engineering and Science Library, and Mellon Institute Library), and there are two large off-campus libraries within walking distance from campus (University of Pittsburgh and Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh, Oakland).

• If you feel your child needs assistance in developing better time management skills, encourage him/her to go to the Office of Academic Development. 

• Recommend that your student make use of blocks of time between classes, instead of going back to his/her dorm room to socialize, play video games, or nap. 

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Responsibility For Self

• Allow your student to assume more responsibility, for example, doing their own laundry or getting involved on campus through a part-time job, club, organization, and/or community service.

• Promote the growth of problem-solving skills by your student. Yes, it is often easier for you to make the call or tell him/her what to do, but that is not assisting in the development of effective critical thinking and problem-solving skills.  

• Encourage the familiarization and use of available Carnegie Mellon Student Services.

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Academic Major

• Remember that your student is an individual and not always able to follow in your career footsteps.

• Parents add extra stress on a student by expecting a child to major in something that the parent thinks is the perfect major.

• The first-year is a perfect time to investigate career options and the Carnegie Mellon Career Center can assist your child with this exploration process.

• Be open to other areas of interest that your student may express. Double majors and minors are often a good way to combine interests and skills.  

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Student Services

• Attend freshman orientation to help acclimate yourself to the college your child will attend.

• Get to know the all the Student Support Services available at Carnegie Mellon.

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Campus Activities & Organizations

Many students come to college with an extensive high school extracurricular resume. While they cannot possibly participate in all that Carnegie Mellon has to offer, we encourage students to pursue some interests outside the classroom.  Research has shown that participation in non-academic activities have, in fact, improved and enhanced the overall college experience for students. Getting involved is also a great way to meet new people and make friends.   

A college education should encompass the development of the whole person.  While you recognize that academics must take priority, encourage your student to be involved in extracurricular activities outside the classroom. The involvement can lead to additional personal and social growth. Examples would include:

• Joining student clubs and organizations

• Attending campus activities and events

• Getting involved in athletics or a team sport

• Performing community service or service-learning projects

• Conducting research

• Participating in religious life and interfaith council activities

• Joining a sorority or fraternity

• Enrolling in a course to explore an area of interest outside the typical engineering major like: art, photograph, music, and/or karate.

• Ensuring your student makes choices that take into account his/her rigorous academic workload and prioritize what activities or organizations are the most important to him/her.    

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Academic Advising

Encourage your child to get to know and talk to his/her academic advisor. The first-year CIT Academic Advisor is Pam Golubski. She is located in The Dean’s Office, 110 Scaife Hall. Carnegie Mellon values the importance of academic advising for students, as articulated in a statement on advising in the university's catalog.

 Academic advisors are responsible for: 

• being knowledgeable of, and communicating, the requirements of the academic program.

• monitoring students' progress toward degree completion.

• referring students to appropriate institutional resources.

• proactively involving students in the academic and career planning process, self-reflection, and the exploration of options and resources.

• engaging in activities to stay informed of issues that impact student success.
  
  

Students (advisees) are responsible for:

• understanding the importance of their relationships with advisors.

• seeking out advisors, university services, and information on a regular basis.

• keeping their assigned advisor informed regarding academic issues and challenges.

• scheduling, preparing for, and keeping advising appointments.

• knowing and understanding the requirements of his/her individual degree programs.

• taking responsibility for making own decisions according to the best information and advice available.

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The Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act

Parents remain a key influence on a college student's life, and your guidance can make a difference. However, there is a federal law that guides what information can be released to a parent entitled The Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act of 1974, commonly known as the "Buckley Amendment" or "FERPA."  This law strictly protects students' privacy concerning educational records while in college.

According to FERPA, students who are either 18 years old or enrolled in a postsecondary institution become the sole owners of their school records. Therefore, any correspondence pertaining to financial aid, student accounts, grades, or disciplinary action is sent directly to the student.

Under FERPA, parents do not have any guaranteed rights to access the records of their children. Moreover, the university will not release copies of records to other parties, including parents, except in the extraordinary event of a valid state or federal order.   

It is important for you to recognize that as administrators, staff, and faculty, we are not intentionally trying to exclude parents from receiving information, but simply following the guidelines established by FERPA. 

And so in this light, we encourage an open and active dialogue to exist between student and parents during his/her college tenure. For further information on Carnegie Mellon's policies regarding student privacy, please refer to the Enrollment Services Students Right to Privacy Information page and the official university Policy on Student Privacy Rights.

The U.S. Department of Education Family Compliance Office webpage containing the full text of the Family Education Rights and Privacy Act can be found at: http://www.ed.gov/policy/gen/guid/fpco/index.html.

If, after reviewing the content of this page, you still have questions or concerns, contact Kurt Larsen, Assistant Dean, College of Engineering, at 412-268-2479.

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*Do not copy or reproduce without permission from the author.